Would You Want to Be 30 Again?

I recently had the opportunity to hang out with some friends that I’ve known since grade school, but I hadn’t seen them in a really long time. It’s always a bit of a surreal experience – to feel so comfortable around someone you haven’t talked to in twenty years, yet having so many shared experiences and acquaintances.

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon and we sat in lawn chairs, gazing out at a beautiful lake and catching up. Conversation bounced back and forth from reliving high school parties to talking about our children and (gasp!) grandchildren, from laughing about getting in trouble for staying out too late and then back to our children’s career paths, and who still keeps in touch with who.

Two of us have kids that are turning 30 this year.  My friend asked the group, “If you could be 30 again, would you?”  After thinking about it ever so briefly, I asked, “Would I have to take care of a baby again?”

The conversation took a sharp turn into a discussion of unplanned children, how old we were when our kids were born, etc. But all this week I’ve continued to think, in fact continued to overthink, that first question.  If you could be 30 again, would you?  And before you go hating on me because my first thought was about what I was actually doing when I was 30 and the responsibility of taking care of a baby, just remember that it was a hypothetical question asked to provoke thought. Which it certainly did with me. And before I can answer, I have a lot of other questions to ask.

Am I re-living the year that I was 30 years old in the same way that it happened, or can I change some of my choices? Do I get to keep the knowledge I’ve gained since then, or am I the same dumb schmuck fumbling my way through like I did the first time? If I’m allowed to make changes, are they permanent?  Is it permanent going forward, or will I get to come back to my current life when that year is done?  Am I just going back to the year I was 30, or am I going back to relive all of my 30s? 

Once we’ve established that I can safely return to my life as it is today, I have additional questions.  Can I be single (I married when I was 23 years old)?  Can I try out a different profession?  Can I be braver, more adventurous? Okay… I’m realizing now that I may be straying a bit from the originally intended question.

Yesterday, a friend posted pictures on Facebook to mark the occasion of her baby’s 18-month milestone.  My heart absolutely melted.  Now I’m rethinking my original response about whether I want to relive 30 if I will be taking care of my baby.  Such precious years and sweet memories.  And just so I’m perfectly clear, if there is even the most remote chance that at the end of the day I wouldn’t be able to return to this life with MOH and my son exactly as it is, my answer would be NO.  I certainly daydream about other lives and what might have been, but I absolutely believe in George Bailey’s life lesson. It’s A Wonderful Life, and I wouldn’t want any other.