What’s an Eyelash Between Strangers?

A few years back, I was out to lunch with a friend.  We were dining at a trendy little place with nice décor, appointed to replicate a sidewalk cafe.  I cannot tell you what my lunch date ordered, but I will never forget what was on my plate.  I ordered a spinach and cheese quiche that was served with a croissant.  And it was quite delicious.  But as I got down to the last couple of bites, I saw there was a dark, crescent moon shaped hair on my plate.  My fork froze in midair as I stared, and tried to process what I was seeing.  My friend looked at me in puzzlement, our conversation halted.  She glanced to where I was looking, and said, “Aww, what’s a little eyelash between strangers?”

I don’t know if she would have responded so casually had that stranger’s eyelash been on her plate and not mine, but I have discovered over the years that things-that-are-not-meant-to-be-included in food freak some people out more than others.  And of course, there is a grossness factor to be considered as well.  Are we talking about a tiny worm found floating in the pot of corn on the cob water or a cockroach head on a restaurant plate?

I think I’m pretty middle of the road on the freak out scale.  I’m probably going to lose my appetite and not continue eating, but I’m not going to throw up, blow up social media with my tale of woe, and bring a lawsuit against the retailer, distributor, and manufacturer.  However, who is to say exactly what you’ll do until you’re in that situation.

Our family still tells the story about my dad and the jelly toast.  He had made himself a piece of toast and decided to put some jelly on it.  He took the jar of jelly out of the kitchen cupboard (perhaps that should have been a warning sign right there) put the jelly on his toast and ate it.  When he went to put the lid back on the jelly jar, he found it was quite covered in ants… in a way that didn’t happen in the five minutes it took him to eat his toast.

I was out of my 13-year-old head.  “How did you not notice?  Did they crunch?  Were some of them still alive?  What did you do with them?”  At first, he took my horror in good spirit, but my outrage soon wore him down.  ‘What do you want me to do?’ he finally snapped.  “It’s over and done.  Let’s move on.”

At the time, I thought his reaction very brave, but I suppose it’s just as likely that the more I went on about it and kept reminding him about it, that he was beginning to feel a bit nauseous.  In any case, as a person with my own household now, we keep our jelly in the refrigerator.

Years later, I was eating sour cream and onion potato chips at work.  I was snacking directly out of the bag that was sitting on my desk.  I was mindlessly crunching away while I reviewed a report, when I reached into the bag and my fingers bumped into a sizeable solid lump.  I jumped out of my chair with visions of a deep-fried rat – or worse, half of a deep-fried rat – dancing in my head. 

I might have started to hyperventilate a little bit.  I could not bring myself to look in the bag, I couldn’t do it.  I thought this was going to be my own dad-ate-ants moment.  I found a friend to do the deed, and using a pencil to lift the edge of the bag, she tentatively peeked inside like whatever was in there might leap out at her.  The lump turned out to be a clump of seasoning that didn’t get broken down and mixed onto the chips.  Life continued.

Recently, a young woman posted on our small-town Facebook page that she found a mouse’s hindleg and tail in her can of power drink.  She called out the convenience store where she bought the drink, and she warned the public at large, asking for advice in reporting the incident.  There were many sympathetic and sickened comments from readers. 

Now despite the possibility that her claim may be true, I’m a skeptic at heart.  I’ve lived through syringes in Pepsi cans – hoax, cyanide in Tylenol – product tampering, a thumb in Wendy’s chili – staged, e-coli lettuce recalls too numerous to count – true, and of course the Blue Bell ice cream licker – sentenced.

My conclusions – some people suck, wash your lettuce well, and don’t look too closely at your food.  As my mom used to say, if you go looking for something you don’t want to find, you’ll find it.

Note:  This blog intentionally contains no pictures.  To my mother’s point, don’t look for google images of gross things in food, if you don’t want to see gross things in food – and as an added bonus, gross food that people eat intentionally.  Don’t do it.  Stay away from the googles.  You’ve been warned.  You’re welcome.