The Introvert Inside Me

I went to the bookstore this week.  Yes, a real honest to goodness brick and mortar and paper pages bookstore.  This bookstore – my favorite – is not part of a brand name chain, but an independent family owned bookstore close to where I work.  Although I do most of my ‘reading’ these days through audio books, I do try to send business their way when the opportunity arises.

I am not a shopper, and the pandemic’s effect of reduced in-store shopping this past year has not been a problem for me.  However, my bookstore trip was a special treat and I didn’t realize how much I missed browsing the shelves.  I could easily drop a couple of hours at a good bookstore.

While I was browsing away my lunch hour, this cover jumped off the shelf and grabbed me.

I knew immediately that this book was coming home with me. 

This pandemic has been divisive in a number of ways, further separating republicans and democrats, mask wearers and anti-maskers, and more to my point today – the introverts and the extroverts.  Nine months into this pandemic while others (including MOH) are climbing the walls wanting to go somewhere, see someone, or do something, I still look forward to staying at home with my pups, a book, and a puzzle. 

When I self-profess to being an introvert, I inevitably have someone respond by saying, “Really? You don’t strike me as an introvert.” I admit, I do some things that belie my natural personality. At work, I have to occasionally give presentations to clients or conduct group training sessions. I do it because it’s a required part of my job, but it makes my stomach hurt and I always think about calling off.

People also think I’m outgoing because I like to plan social gatherings. This one is hard for me to explain even to myself. But most people really seem to like social gatherings, and in additional to being a people pleaser, I like the solitary act of planning the event. And when the day actually comes, I’m excited about having a party, I’m glad you’ve come to my party, and I hope you have a good time at my party. If you’re wondering where I’ve slipped off to, I just might be standing in the bedroom closet enjoying the non-companionable silence.

Being an introvert is confusing to me. If I’m out and about, I can be excited to see someone I haven’t been in touch with in a long while. But instead of approaching that person and saying hello, I’m just as apt to turn my shopping cart around and go the other way, hoping she doesn’t see me. I feel I must protect myself from a possibly awkward and boring (on my part) exchange, but all the way home I will wish I would have said ‘hey’ and I think of interesting, engaging and amusing things I might have said. (Side note: From experience, I can tell you that if I actually do get up the gumption to engage, none of the things that come out of my mouth are actually interesting, engaging, or amusing.)

I am looking forward to staying at home today and reading my new book, written by, and about a fellow introvert.  I’m slightly concerned about the premise – in pursuit of a happier, more full-filling existence, a self-described introvert pushes herself out of her comfort zone into all types of extrovert situations.  Thank goodness I have solitude, a cuddly wiener dog, and a cozy blanket to get me through the scary parts.